Some restrictions apply.Arizona joined the United States in 1912 and promptly elected an elderly John McCain to the Senate. It still roams the halls to this day...other than that, Arizona is known for little more than having officially recognized state neckware: the bolo tie. That is a joke. Bolo ties on the other hand are not a joke.
Look at this fucking guy...Since Arizona passed a new law charging law enforcement with the task of discerning one's citizenship based on "behavior," I decided to help out. I have created a list of behaviors that are typical of non-Americans! Feel free to add some of your own in the comments section!
HOW TO IDENTIFY NON-AMERICANS IN AMERICA (in Arizona)
4) Wearing White Jeans
After the year 1988, anyone wearing white jeans in America should be suspect of some sort of crime. However in this case it's a bit more nefarious. White jeans are the officially issued state clothing of Communist Sweden. It's simple geo-politics people, buy a fucking globe.
3) Driving a Chevy CobaltNobody in America actually purchased this car. Not unless your name happens to be Enterprise, Budget, or Avis. This is a sure sign that the driver is not from U.S. This is the precise example of 'probable cause' that Harvard Law uses.
2) Clothing Naming the City/State You Are Currently InThe only time your clothing should identify your current location is if you don't speak the local language and need to be returned there in case you get lost. Shirts like this would be even more helpful if it included your hotel's address...
1) Fanny PacksNot just fanny packs...I'm talking about fashionable fanny packs. Europeans (i.e. non-Americans) have been using fanny packs to carry weird candy and cameras since the dawn of man. I wonder if there's room for a 1 way ticket out of the US in there?
So there you have it. An easy-to-follow guide on how to spot those pesky law-breakin' non-Americans! I'm glad that I could be of service to my fellow countrymen! In closing, I'd like to congratulate AZ on their new state motto: "Muéstreme Sus Papeles!"
Epilogue: A Serious Note From A Serious Fellow
I know this law is completely insane and I'm making light of it. Please, pretty please, don't blame law enforcement for this. It is NOT their fault. It is the fault of the AZ state legislature. Think of the police as the bouncers outside of the bar with a clipboard and ear piece. The clipboard has the guest list on it. Think of the state legislature as the guy who writes the guest list from far far away...now assume that the guy who writes the guest list is a psychotic coked up maniac with a tenuous grasp on reality. And there my friends, is how state government works. Completely coked up and disconnected from real life.
Yep, this guy runs America.
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